Every day we read and hear from friends, family, and even the media about relationships that promised so much potential but yet crumbled as a result of several common factors such as trust issues, infidelity, and the rest. For this reason and others, many men pull away from relationships.
According to a study released by Standford sociologist Michael Rosenfeld, around 70% of relationships crumble in the first year, and another study in the US revealed that 50% of first marriages fail. It has been proven that in most cases, most relationship failures were a result of men pulling away from their partners might be due to certain tenable and untenable reasons. In this article, we share the reasons which will no doubt help make things better in your relationship.
It has been proven time and again that men would pull away from committed relationships and romance deliberately and otherwise. We must, however, establish at this point that the reasons listed below aren’t exhaustive but suggestive.
1. Concern About His Liberty
Every man is mindful of his liberty or freedom as it may apply and would do anything within his powers to conserve and preserve it. If the relationship appears to affect his freedom, in that case, he may begin to pull away to be sure the relationship hasn’t led to his captivity and his freedom to make decisions for himself.
The choice of settling down with a person for the rest of their life might be overwhelming when all that might be needed is a just-benefits kind of relationship.
Also, most men who are driven by goals and pursuits in life would find it stifling to commit to a relationship that might inhibit their ability to make the on-the-spot decision without recourse to anyone.
2. Self Esteem, Insecurities, and Self-doubts Issues
The average man is concerned about his perception and ability to meet up with any situations that might question all he has been made to believe about himself.
Self-doubt makes a man feels he is not worth the affection of a caring partner, especially if he hasn’t experienced true love before. A man’s insecurities would make him drift away in a relationship when his fears aren’t addressed.
3. Stress Makes Men Pull Away
Everyone has a different approach to dealing with stress. The causes of stress differ and vary depending on individual response to life issues and situations. In men, stress may be due to work-related issues, financial crises, family upheaval, and other factors that distort their peace of mind.
Men cannot give their all and stay put with full expected commitments in a relationship if they are encumbered in other areas of life. A man would pull away from a relationship gradually if there were unresolved issues.
When men are going through stress, it is better not to nag or add to their stress. When you do, it makes them pull away faster from the relationship.
4. Uncertainty About How He Feels About You
This is arguably one of the most common reasons men pull away from relationships. Men tend to fall in love faster with anyone to whom they are physically attracted. But as we know, a relationship is not just built on physical attraction alone; it is the starting point, and there are other yardsticks, and if those yardsticks aren’t met, He might pull away from the relationship.
So, even when you may think that everything in your relationship is going lovey-dovey or progressing nicely, your partner may just be drifting away from the relationship if his feelings aren’t assuaged.
5. No Future Possibility of staying together
While every relationship has the potential of blossoming into a marriage or long-lasting partnership, others might not be possible due to factors such as career, health, location, or even economic reasons. So, men pull away to void messy and unsavory situations that might arise in the future due to their failure to acknowledge the apparent impossibility.
This could also be healthy when good communication is in place and fears are well expressed and understood. In other words, it is better to avoid investing the wrong time into the wrong relationship knowing fully well it won’t work out.
6. Unpleasant Experiences and Past Trauma
Different scholars have argued that time is a healer. Still, not everyone gets past negative and traumatic experiences such as divorce, betrayal, heartbreak, and even the death of a loved one.
The possibility of a man pulling away from a relationship is high if he hasn’t gotten over the past.
It is also natural for humans to avoid making the mistakes of the past if the factors that led to such negative and traumatic experience appears to manifest themselves.
When you have a man who has been through such kind of experience, it is important to constantly assure and reassure him of your love, trust, and commitment.
7. Lack of Readiness
Men pull away from relationships when you begin to question their commitments and what the future holds for you both if they aren’t ready to settle and commit to a long-term relationship.
Men would always pull away from any relationship when they are not ready but are looking for a casual relationship, especially those with fringe benefits of marriage. Some men are thrilled with the feeling of conquest and thrills of a casual relationship but come to notice when questions of the future pop up.
Some men also pull away when their readiness is revealed by their desire to keep their dating options open.
8. Fear of Conflicts, Fights, and Disagreements
While these factors could be a result of preservation, it might also mean that the man is not ready to confront and address issues as they might arise.
Some men pull away from relationships when they sense a consistent pattern of fighting, conflicts, and disagreements. Men don’t joke with their peace and clarity of mind, and when crises and disagreements keep on rearing their heads, they will zone out and pull out of the relationship.
Men are logical and try to establish patterns from happenings around them and with their relationships. If they sense or foresee any trace of disagreements, they will definitely pull out of the relationship.
9. Excessive and Unrealistic Expectations
Men avoid unnecessary pressure and exhaustion; the same applies to relationships. When there are excessive and unrealistic expectations of the man, he bucks and pulls away from the relationship.
Such expectations aren’t unrelated to the fairy tale and soap operas stories.
Some men find delight in the simplicity of love and romance. Understand your man, and he won’t pull away from you.
10. Fear of Abandonment
When a man has a feeling that he could be abandoned, he might just pull away to save himself some dignity and peace of mind.
No one wants to feel abandoned by those they love and share special moments with. Men fear abandonment and pull away from the relationship if they sense a red flag.
How to make it stop?
While we can’t guarantee any measure to stop men from pulling away from their relationship, we can, however, deduct that steps can be taken to forestall or minimize the possibility of such happenings in your relationship.
Be Empathetic and Sympathetic
You need to develop and exhibit a high level of empathy and sympathy.
When you approach life issues generally from the point of empathy, it helps you avoid becoming judgemental.
You don’t have to presumptuously judge your man when you don’t understand what may be pulling him away from you. Give him listening ears, and you will gain him forever.
Empathy helps you understand his perspectives about issues without necessarily compromising your stand.
Some men haven’t gotten over past hurts and pains. Your sympathy and empathy would endear him to you. You see, comfort in the midst of a crisis is a balm that soothes the soul.
Do Not Choke Him
Do not go about choking your man with questions that would aggravate him any further. He may find you resentful. Rather, give him time and space in order for him to gain clarity.
Assure him that you won’t leave him no matter what and that you will stay by him through whatever prodding issues he might be having.
Listen to His Silence
Silence communicates so much more than you could ever imagine. Learn to understand what he may be trying to say when he goes quiet and speechless.
Sometimes men go through a lot that they can’t verbalize. In silence, you can gain much clarity over what may be trying to pull him away from you. (Read: What Men Consider To Be Great Sex
Go for Counselling and Therapy
Your partner may be pulling away from you due to many wounds and hurts from the past. It is best to go for counseling, where you can voice your concern and work towards healing from the past to forestall your man from pulling away from you.
While you do all these, don’t forget to be kind to yourself. Yes…as simple as it is, be kind to yourself as you try as much as possible to support your man.